Friday, January 21, 2011

World War 3

**warning super long post, playing some catch up because I don’t always post everything on the blog, especially family drama**
I don’t post too often regarding my in-laws.  As a matter of fact after going through this blog over the weekend, I only found of three posts where I actually made reference to any of them.  One being the other day and then the others were regarding how inconsiderate my sil was when I was having my wisdom teeth surgically removed and How I’m going to be a better grandmother.  However, after thinking about it and talking to my BFF, I knew that I had written about them before but it wasn’t on this blog, it was on JoJos Place, when I still wrote over there.  So to catch y’all up, if you want to be caught up, you can read about Holiday Get Togethers As If, Who Needs Family, and Rant Again Sorry Y’all
So to get started, I’ll “rant” about the most recent events.  Christmas.  We knew that Christmas dinner was going to be held at Z’s brother and wife’s house, because they got a new double wide last year.  So, I simply wrote sil a message on Facebook asking what time and that the kids wouldn’t want to leave the house that day because of them wanting to play with their Christmas gifts.  She wrote back, thinking that I meant we weren’t going to come over at all.  I wrote back and told her I didn’t mean it that way, that I just meant a later time rather than earlier in the day.  She said she didn’t have a time, but was trying to come over on our house on Christmas Eve to open gifts, but that her brother would be with them as well.  And wanted to know a good time because he wanted to take them out to eat for lunch or dinner.   I would have been fine with not being invited over, after all it was more her family then Z’s anyways.  Her brother and his partner were going to be there as well as her dad and his girlfriend.  And she didn’t even know anything about Z’s sister coming or not.  However, I figured if we were going to do a Christmas Eve thing that we would have done it right with at least dinner.  But after talking to Z about it, we decided that we would just wait until his Grandmother came down from Indiana to do Christmas.  That way we could all do dinner and exchange gifts then.  Keep in mind his grandmother was coming down the 2nd weekend of January.  Well I didn’t hear anything back from sil about that. 
Then Z was talking to his mom and Christmas got brought up and he told her the last thing that I had wrote sil about waiting until January.  Well she told him that we were welcome to come and Z said again that we weren’t invited that he had read all the messages from the first one I sent until the last one.  However, his mom said she only read the last two.  The one were she was wondering what time on Christmas Eve and then mine saying we’d wait.   OK.  So why did sil not show her them all, why just the last two?  Was she trying to make me out like I didn’t want to have anything to do with them at all??  Why create drama where there isn’t any??
Anyways.  Knowing full and well that his mom ran and told sil about it and telling them we didn’t think we were invited, sil or Z’s brother never bothered to call and say “but you are invited”.  Z’s mom has always said you never need an invitation for family things.  While I agree with this, I don’t think this has the same rules, since it’s more sil’s family and not Z’s.  {Z agreed}
Now, we were trying to figure out a time to do Christmas, but were coming up short.  Sil just had a baby in August and they were taking him to GA to be dedicated the following weekend {last weekend}.  Of course Z’s mom and grandmother were invited.  We were not.  Z said something about we weren’t invited because it was out of town.  I looked at where the city was and I said that it was only an hour and a half from Savannah.  We would have went and spent the whole weekend.  Well, Z’s brother posted on FB that they were on their way to GA.  So I posted on his status saying “wished we were invited :/”.  He never posted anything back.  They got home Sunday night and he posted this long drawn out thing on my wall on FB, to the gest of why would we want to come to a dedication when we couldn’t even come to their house for our kids to open gifts on Christmas because we said Kelsie wouldn’t want to come because she would be too busy playing with her toys.  WHAT?  I did NOT say that! 
So I started posting on his wall but Z stopped me and ask me if I would send it in a message instead, so I did. This is what it said…
Actually ****, if you read all the messages back and forth between SIL and I you would have noticed in the 2nd one back to her that I didn't mean for it to sound like we didn't want to come over for Christmas, just later in time rather than earlier. {since she only let MIL read the last message back to her where I said we'd do Christmas after Grandma was here} And when it has nothing to do with "our" family but more geared towards her and her family {brother, etc} then YES we do need an invite. And even after Zack told y'alls mom BEFORE Christmas that we weren't invited, nobody still bothered to let us know that we were indeed welcome. As far as the response to Grandma goes, that was Zack because after all God only knows when y'all won't be planning up their time. It seems that ever since Baby J was born that ,MIL is always over there, so he just assumed that is what would happen while she was here as well. And don't chalk it up to well y'all could come out here, because sure we could, but when Zack tries to call his mom and gets no answer for days at a time then how can we see if anybody is going to be home. And just so you know, we tried to invite MIL and Grandma over the day she flew in for dinner, but MIL told Zack she'd be to tired. And Zack actually said that somebody could have called us to invite us to eat with y'all that Sunday. And as far as what I post on a blog or my wall, it is a free country, who said you had to read it. And for you to be so up tight about me posting crap, it seems you should be upset about Rebecca posting stuff too, which she did while her brother was in town.
This is all ridiculous, to be quiet honest. Your right I should pick up a phone to call about all this but the phone does work both ways.

He then sent this in return…
Well to sum this up all in all. Grandma is weak. Her body is not the same as it used to be. She just hurt her neck, back, and head today when she fell down a flight of stairs leaving the hotel. We did go eat at J's but she was hungry and we decided to stop on the way home since it just opened. Everyone knew when her flight was arriving. It they cared to see her they would have been waiting on her to arrive at the airport also. Yes mom does see Baby J often, but we live next door. She is expected to come see ya'll when ya'll could come see her also. Like you said it works both ways. I can actually count on one hand the amount of time you guys have been out to see her since she was released from the hospital almost 4 years ago. With Zack getting ahold of mom I do not know how that is an issue with her having a cell and home phone. As far as SIL's post they had nothing to do with our family. Her brother had plans with her gma to take her out to dinner for her birthday. She told him her legs hurt and she did not want to go to a restraunt. Instead he decided to cook her some dinner. Come to find out their family was caught in a lie and took her out to eat without sil and her brother. This was because her brother did not want to pay for a dozen peoples meals. They think he is like a millionaire or something. They posted about SIL and shane so they posted back. There is some stupid drama "we" as a family are having right now and facebook is not the answer. It just makes it worse. Yes I posted something today, but I wanted you to see how it is in our shoes(all the time). All in all grandma is here for a short time in Florida and on earth. Her days are numbered. I expect ya'll the make the most of it before it is too late. I care more about that than any of this bullshit.
Then this was my response back…
First of all I don't see where you feel like you need to preach to me about life is short, etc., considering that I have lost both of my grandmothers and my mother. However, I am glad to see that the two of you have grown up, in the fact that you feel NOW that family is important. When years past even though you do live next door to your mother, y'all would go weeks at a time without seeing her because y'all were too busy hanging out with friends every weekend. And when Tammy needed something done around the house she would call Zack because "BIL is always busy and
never home". Not to mention any other time Grandma has been down here, I remember numerous visits where ya'll were just busy with friends and never making time to see her. It had even been mentioned to us about not seeing y'all but once or twice after her being down for over a month on a couple of her trips.
And how many times have Y'ALL been to her house in the past 4 years since she's been out of the hosptial? Sure y'all have made up plenty of time since Baby J was born {but then again, that's her
coming to y'alls house} but before that, probably just as many times as we have been.
Talking about us coming out there, yea, I guess we do feel like MIL should come over here. Simply because we always invite her to dinner and what not. This is because she doesn't use her heat and air. AND what are two children going to do cooped up in one room? Think back when you were 5 and 11, sitting in one room doesn't sound to appealing to children, does it? Because they don't "get" just visiting someone. However, every invite we got to come out there we have. Zack and Kelsie have even made a trip or two without Kayla and I when we have been sick for
cookouts/birthday parties or whatever. We aren't the only ones that have made a complaint about her not using her heat and air.
I can recall several times about being glad that we hosted something at our house for that very reason or complaints
when we were all at her house because it was hot or cold.
As far as Zack never being able to reach MIL, it's true. He would call the house and then her cell phone, he can "count on one hand" out of all the times he's called and how many times she actually answered the cell. Two of those being since Grandma has been in town. For us not coming to the airport, we actually thought her flight was coming in on Saturday and not Sunday, we didn't find that out until Saturday and we had already made plans for Sunday.
I didn't actually need to know why SIL posted whatever she did on Facebook, I could care less. And just for the record, I have only posted about "this" family twice in my blog. And for Facebook, well not all the posts were about "this" family either. Most never were. It's just funny how people assume something is about them, when it's not.
You can write back if you want too, but I'm finished with this back and forth crap. Becuase we could go on and on noting each other's faults but in the end none of us are perfect and we have all made mistakes.

And that was that.  I took both him and sil off my Facebook.  I then noticed Tuesday {she may have done it sooner} that Z’s mom took me off hers. 
So I am at the point where it’s like whatever.  I am heart broken because my kids are the ones missing out.  And I’m pissed because people actually act this way for me to have to get upset about!  


Tracy Bentley said...

I completley understand where you are coming from. I experienced similar problems over Christmas. It really just tears a family apart. But, I really just don't care anymore.

Kay said...

Wooooooweeeee!! Drama, drama, daddy's momma!

"HER BROTHER AND HIS PARTNER" LOLOLOL!!!!!! That's what cracks me up!

Oh well, babe...just let it roll off like water off a duck's back. You can't change ppl. They're stupid.

Southern Queen Bee said...

Gosh... I thought I was the only one with inlaw Christmas drama!
My kids are 22 and 17, they actually said they were happy that I have finally spoke my mind to the snobby SIL.
But for me I feel worse and wish that I would have just kept my mouth shut to KEEP THE PEACE.
Hope things get better for you and the family.