Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Handling My Out of Control Tween {teen}

Kayla is just shy of her 13th birthday and over the past few weeks, the attitude and behavior have gotten progressively worse.  I know it’s part of the age.  I also know it’s part of her testing her limits.  She has slowly taken control of the reigns around here because it’s stressful on Zack and I to constantly get on to her about back talking, eye rolling, etc.  So we just have let her get by with a lot of it. Huge mistake!

However, a couple of weekends ago I realized that she thinks she’s in control. She had a friend spend the night Saturday night and she knows that even though she has a sleepover, she still has a bedtime. {11pm}  At 11 I went in there and said “lights out girls, not another peep”.  At 2am Zack came into the bedroom and said that they were still up and on the computer.  I went in and took her computer and told her that they were supposed to be in the bed 3 hours before.  She didn’t say a word.  I also told her that she would be grounded.

On Sunday night I told her lights out at 9pm, which in our house means go to bed.  At 9:45 she was hiding her DSi under her covers playing online!  I went in and snatched it from her without saying a word.  Yesterday, I decided that things were going to change.  She was no longer going to control what she did. 

We have been lenient for far too long.  She would get in trouble for such-n-such amount of time and I would quickly let her slide back into her normal living because she was showing good behavior.  Mistake.  We were telling her to empty the dishwasher, her ONLY chore outside of her room and she would ask “when was the last time you or daddy emptied it?'”, with an attitude in her tone.  I would argue with her that it didn’t matter that I did and daddy did but it was her turn.  I am the parent and it doesn’t matter when I last emptied the dishwasher!! 

So last week, I Googled and played around with rules, consequences, privileges, etc and I finally went with something that seems a little overzealous, but it’s what needs to happen in order to have the control back around this house.  We want to live in peace. 

When Kayla came home from school last Monday we sat down and I went over everything, typed it up and was then called mean and unfair. :-/  Well, sorry, but this is life and I want her to straighten up before it’s too late.  She can’t act like a princess in the real world!  So this is what Kayla has printed up in her room. 

Kayla's Chores, Privileges, and Consequences

Before School: Make bed and pick up room {sleeping clothes, hair products, make-up, etc}
    *If not completed, no computer time for the day!

After School: Homework. If none, pick up bathroom {trash, sink area, towels, etc}, empty dishwasher if needed.
     *Must complete in order to have privileges!
Privileges: Computer time, DSi time, play in or outside, telephone time, or tv time. {times are listed below}

After Dinner: Help clean up. {empty plates into trash, put away condiments, wipe off table with spray} May or 
    may not include leftovers into containers.   *Must complete in order to have privileges!
Privileges: Computer time, DSi time, play in or outside, telephone time, or tv time. {times are listed below}

Weekend Chores: Clean bathroom: scrub sink, counter, tub, shower walls, toilet, mirrors, sweep & mop floor, empty trash, new towels and rag.
    Clean bedroom: dust, vacuum, put away clothes, trash, empty trash, nothing out of place inc. closet.
Privileges: Computer time, DSi time, play in or outside, telephone time, or tv time. {times are listed below}
*Weekend chores can be done before Friday if wanting a Friday sleep over!

If you and Kelsie can't get along, try and work it out.  If you can't, you will both go in separate corners for age amount of time. Once done you can start fresh or try and work it out again. If nothing, then you can choose to go your separate ways, but you both must be happy in doing so. If there is any physical contact you will both stand with your arms parallel to the floor for age amount of time.  You will have to also hold either soup cans or weights in your hands.

Attitude, lying, sassy mouth, back talking, and likewise will result in immediate consequences. You will pull from the jar and if said job has been done, you will choose again. 

Privileges: 30 minutes computer time weekday. {unless school related}  3 hours on weekend in 30 min increments.
    2 hour tv time weekdays; 2 hours in between.  6 hours on weekends; 2 hour increments; 30 mins btwn.
    1 hour DSi time weekdays.  3 hours on weekends.
    1 hour telephone time weekdays.  3 hours on weekends in 30 minute increments. NOT back to back!

** Slamming doors will result in calmly opening and closing door 50 times.
** Shouting or yelling will result in shouting or yelling on driveway facing traffic what you were in the house.

- If you show behavior that is not normal, we will discuss it and then set an appropriate punishment.

Nothing is negotiable at this point, so don't ask.  You can only have one sleep over per weekend, this includes at our home or your friends.  Negotiations and other privileges will come later.  You have to earn more!  "Joking or Just kidding" is not happening right now.  What you say is what you mean, no matter what.  You have to earn the right to joke. 

We love you and want you to be the best we know that you can be.  If you mess up in the real world, your consequences will be more severe than what we are giving you.  We hope that by these consequences you will want to behave.  We hope that you want to earn your privileges!  You will thank us one day for setting you on the right path.  I promise.  You just don't see it now. 

    But can I just say that her room and bathroom have remained picked up and the behavior is wonderful!  The first few days last week she pulled consequences form the jar and that was it.  She hasn’t had to pull anything since!  She cleaned windows in two rooms, organized my pots and pans and tupperware cabinets.  She had to pick up two of Kelsie’s random messes and vacuum a room.  The worst consequence and the reason she said she isn’t being ugly anymore is when she had to write 50 times “I want back talk or have a sassy mouth anymore and I will behave and talk with respect”.  Ha! 

So, so far we have a happy house!!


BerryMorins Bits & Tips said...

As I was reading your post I felt like that was me writing it.
Marcus started really acting out around 16 yrs old and it continued till 18 yrs old.
Remember the Lord is always with you. And you're right, she's testing her boundaries.

The Un-Nester said...

Ooooh I like the new rules and chores. She is getting older now and the new responsibility will teach her well. Pretty sure it's not unfair to have to help around the house and pick up a mess. No need for back talking parents either! I sure hope this works and the attitude gets in check!!!!