Friday, April 20, 2012

Losing Weight is Tough Stuff!

I’m there, I’m at the part where it starts to get really hard.  The hard where you have to fight like you’ve never fought before.  I’m now 147 and holding.  I’ve been here for over a week or so and it’s tough.  I’m down to a size 6 {OMGosh y’all!} and it feels great.  But, when I look in the mirror, my mind still sees me 16 pounds ago. 

But I’m also to the point where I kinda start slacking.  Pushing to the max of my daily calories, eating things a little over serving sizes, eating more things that aren’t good for me, etc.  I’ve been here once before.  Well, 2 pounds more but it’s close enough to call it. 

A couple of years ago I competed in an online weight loss competition for money.  I won.  I lost, I think like a total of 22 pounds.  I was at my heaviest {not counting pregnancy}.  I was down to a size 10 and felt great about how far I had come.  I decided to take a break from working out twice a day and after a couple of weeks I noticed the 10’s were starting to get a little tighter.  Then one morning I woke up and I was back to almost as heavy as I was when I started. 

So I am here yet again.  It’s hard when you’ve been so strict about your proportions for what seems like a lifetime.  I can now judge 1 cup of cereal and a half cup of almond milk without measuring.  Baked Lay’s and Tostitos, same thing.  I can now eyeball all those portions.  I have always ate what I wanted while counting calories, but just in moderation.  But now I’m at the part where I think “oh a little more of that won’t hurt”, or “sure ice cream with chocolate syrup at 10pm is fine”.  I’m also thinking things like I’ll cut back on my workouts and really not worry about weights anymore.  I’m here and it’s tough. 

I can’t give up.  I can’t stop now.  I won’t give up.  I won’t stop now.  I want to look in the mirror and not only see with my eyes but know in my mind the weight and size that I’m at.  My goal is still 130.  I’m still going, slowly.  But like the tortoise always said s”low and steady wins the race”. 

I admit it’s my fault I didn’t lose anything this past week and a half.  I didn’t workout but one time and I honestly didn’t give it my all. 

But ya know what?  I found encouragement yesterday.  I had to go to the gyn and talk about some issues I’ve been having and they weighed me and took my height….they wrote down my BMI and it was 23.  That was so encouraging to see that number.  I had been sitting at 25 forever.  Who knew that those 2 little numbers could make me feel so good!  So, now I’m encouraged to keep going, to look ahead.  To drop these last 17 pounds!  I know that I can do it.  I’m the only one standing in the way of myself.  Sometimes you are the only thing holding yourself back!

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