Thursday, April 25, 2013

Breaking the Habit

I am a humongo Linkin Park fan.  Like still jam out to their first cd fan.  Like crank it all the way up whenever one of their songs come on the radio fan.  Like can’t wait until they put out another album fan.  Anyways.  You get it, I’m a huge fan! 

The song Breaking the Habit, really has nothing to do with my habit that I need to break.  But I feel as if you can really relate any song to your situation if the lyrics send you a message.  If they give you what you need to hear. etc. etc.  Songs are powerful sometimes and other times they are just for fun and make no sense at all. {I’ll get to that at the end}

Anyways.  In this song, Breaking the Habit it goes a little like…

“I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused”


“I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one that falls
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends”

When I sat down to write a post AFTER the brownie post I did yesterday {y’all they are seriously easy and delicious, get the recipe here} that song immediately popped in my head.  I have a habit.  It’s not a good one.  It is one that I have to be very careful with and it’s hard to conquer.  Mind over matter, right?  Well, if you’ve had a habit that consumes your life, you know that mind over matter is next to impossible.  But, it’s NOT impossible. 

My habit…is food.  It’s my crutch I use it when I’m bored.  It’s my crutch when I get upset, heck I use it just because. I compare food for me like crack to a crack head.  I’m an emotional eater but I’m also just an eater.  I eat because it tastes good.  I really have no idea what “full” feels like.  Because I eat and eat and eat, until I’m stuffed.  I think my “I’m full” switch is broken!  For real.

I  have struggled with gaining and losing weight for years.  And like in the song “I don’t know how I got this way”.  Because I haven’t been like this all my life.  I had no issues with food/weight when I was younger.  In high school I was thin and snacked on cheddar cheese {in the middle of the night}, spoonfuls of peanut butter after school, and nacho cheese Doritos while watching afternoon reruns of Saved by the Bell.  I never grabbed food for the reasons I do now.  What changed?  I haven’t got a clue.  What makes it better than before?  I haven’t got a clue.  But I do know that I am tired of struggling.  I do know that food shouldn’t be the drug that I am using it like.  I shouldn’t have to have a “hit” of chocolate just to feel better.  But I do. 

Now, I have said this before and I’ll say it again.  I think breaking the habit of over eating is HARDER than breaking the habit of drug/alcohol use or smoking cigarettes.  Do you know why I think this?  Because you HAVE TO EAT!  No I honestly can’t compare it because I’ve been lucky and never used drugs or started smoking or had an alcohol problem.  But you can get rid of all the drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes.  You can’t get rid of all your food.  Sure you can not buy junk, but honestly you can sit and over eat on apples and bananas, just the same as chips and dip.  See, it’s different and I think harder. 

So where do you start?  Well, I’m not entirely sure.  But I’ve got to break this habit!

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