I knew it would happen sooner or later. We’ve been VERY lucky to have it even last this long. After all, 12 years of belief is longer than a lot of kids these days. We’ve had a couple of mishaps in the past two years where it was questioned. I admit that I wasn’t able to give it up then. I knew that by telling the truth I was also taking a part of her childhood away. So last year a sleigh bell showed up in both stockings on Christmas morning with a note attached. That bought me another year.
Then it happened…the dreaded situation.
Friday after school Kayla came home as usual. We were sitting on the couch watching Christmas movies and then out of nowhere she said “tell me momma, the truth, is Santa real?”. I just looked at her with no words, no expressions, motionless. She then replied, “our substitute teacher today said that he wasn’t, so I want to know”. My blood was boiling! Sure, when your in a classroom full of 12 and 13 year olds your not asking them what they want Santa to bring them for Christmas, but you don’t reject the idea of existence. Just for some unforeseen reason that there may in fact be one child in that room that might still hold on to that realization. But no, this teacher didn’t do that. He blew the whistle. He spoiled my child’s imagination. I finally said to her, we will talk later. And we did.
I brought out the book that I did a review on a few months ago, The Santa Club. We laid on my bed and she read it, while I looked along. We were both heart broken. Not because Zack and I were really Santa, but because the magic for her was gone. I cried because that part of her is grown up. She cried because she wished that she didn’t know yet.
She understands the importance of keeping it a secret until I am ready for Kelsie to really know.
She understands why I didn’t want her to know and she said she didn’t want her kids to find out either.
So this year on Christmas morning, even though we’ll go on like that conversation between her and I didn’t happen, the look on her face won’t be the same to me. She will know that Zack and I tucked her presents neatly under the tree the night before and that we ate the cookies and drank the milk.
I dread the year that Kelsie finds out. I’m sure I’ll have to up my meds that year. ;-)