Thursday, March 25, 2010


As I start to write this post I can’t think of a good title.  I thought of “Change”, “It’s time for a Change”, “Let’s Make a Change”, etc.  You can tell the theme here is changing.  But changing what exactly.  Well what ever it is in your life that needs to be changed.  We all have issues of some sort that we can improve in our life.  Maybe it’s spending more time with your kids, eating at home more, eating healthier, spending less money, etc.  We can all make improvements in our life.  And most of these improvements are hard to make.  Why do you think that is? 

I think it’s out of habit.  We are accustomed to doing something one way and thinking of changing things may seem scary or even crazy.  Right now I am struggling with change.  There is only one thing I want to change at the moment and that’s physical. 

This may sound silly or down right insane, but I hate going to pick up Kelsie from school.  The reason is I have to get out of the car and walk to the gate and stand with all the other mothers out there.  This shouldn’t be a big deal right?  Well, wrong.  For one I am so very shy and so very self conscious. I stand there waiting wondering what the other mothers are thinking.  I know that I am not by any means obese or extremely overweight, but I’m not happy with my size. I wonder if they are thinking about the way I look or the way I’m dressed.  First off I know what your going to say, I shouldn’t be worried about what others think.  BUT, when I worry about it myself then of course I wonder what others are thinking. 

I was watching a show on the National Geographic channel last night about weight around the world.  There is a country that force feeds their daughters because being overweight and obese is a sign of high status.  The bigger you are the more likely you are to be able to bear children and breast feed them etc.  It comes from the poverty as well, because the bigger you are the more food you are consuming which means you have the money to buy it.  They touched on other parts of the world and the US particularly with our status.  We see skinny and this is a symbol of status.  The skinnier you are the more money you have because you have the money to hire personal trainers and chefs to cater to a certain diet your following.  Which has our whole way of life screwed up which makes people like myself worry about their self image.

Of course it doesn’t take money to hire a personal trainer.  You can be one yourself.  It doesn’t take money to go for a walk or run.  It doesn’t take money to do crunches, etc.  However it does take money to buy healthy foods.  More money than chips, cookies and white bread.  I don’t know if you have noticed but whole wheat, whole grain anything cost more than it did before.  It’s just silly how the FDA talks about Americans being overweight and they want to change the guidelines for restaurants etc, but they don’t want to cut the cost of healthy food. 

Ok, I’m getting off topic, rambling away.  My point is I want to make a change.  I do the same thing day after day.  I don’t workout, I don’t go for walks, I am self conscious.  We live 1/2 mile from the kids school, walking there and back picking up Kayla in the afternoon would give me a mile, but I don’t want to because I don’t want people looking at me. 

I would love to go for a walk and begin to jog around the neighborhood but then again I don’t want people looking at me. 

Am I the only one that feels this way?  Am I the only one struggling with change because of feeling self conscious?

(what’s for dinner thursday will be a friday edition this week, i just wanted to write a little bit of real life)


Sherri said...

Ok,I've said this before and I'm going to say it again....for one thing,you are thinking too much on this...I can guarantee that the other mothers that are there are not giving one thought to your body (I promise you,they are thinking about other things and you are just getting so self conscious that you feel everyone is staring at you).And what if they are??? They may be thinking,"Wow,I wish I had a hot bod like hers!" Heck,you know for a fact that your figure is better than mine and I think your shape is just right with curves in the right places.Don't let yourself get so down that you don't want to leave the house...if you want to take a walk,do it even if you do feel like people are staring.There are times that you are just going to have to force yourself into doing things that you are not comfortable with doing and then you will see it wasn't so bad after all:)You're going to be just fine!!

Heatherlyn said...

Well, it seems like it might be unhelpful to say "who cares what other people think" because it bothers you so much. I doubt people are thinking anything at all but until you don't feel the way you do it doesn't matter much what they are or aren't thinking.

My husband has done some AMAZING things doing p90 right here in our house. It took him between 35-47 minutes 6 days a week for the last 6 months and he has dropped two pants sizes and a shirt size and is looking quite excellent. And he just eats about 1/2 as much of what he would normally eat. Nothing special. I think you should, considering the way you feel, try something more like that. Indoors, no extra money or complete change of diet, and you will see results that might help you to feel better.

Kay said...

I've cried all week over such things. Look at the lengths I've gone to in order to lose weight. My gosh it's such a mess and now my health is really at risk. My lapband is now officially diagnosed as "slipped" and I have a hiatal hernia through my diaphragm...all because of body image. I could just cuss. So I can identify totally with how you feel. Right or wrong, the feelings are the same. It's partly society, partly our own vanity, partly health concerns. I don't know what to do now. My lap band is now essentially useless and can never be filled again. What a waste.

Amanda said...

I agree with Sherri! Do what makes you happy Joanna! Get to the point where you are happy with yourself. Do things that make you feel good. Whatever that is. Learn to love yourself. You have a lot going for you...don't let that self conscious bug spoil it! :)

Wendy said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. Most of the time I just throw my hair up in a ponytail and no makeup. And the fact that I'm heavier than I care to be (about 20-30 pounds), I am in the same boat. I see all these perfectly put together moms out with their little ones and feel like such a nasty slob. I have never been super girly, but I think I need to start taking better care of myself. I am really shy too. I have lived here for 9 years and have only made 1 real friend. It sucks,