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As I start to write this post I can’t think of a good title.  I thought of “Change”, “It’s time for a Change”, “Let’s Make a Change”, etc.  You can tell the theme here is changing.  But changing what exactly.  Well what ever it is in your life that needs to be changed.  We all have issues of some sort that we can improve in our life.  Maybe it’s spending more time with your kids, eating at home more, eating healthier, spending less money, etc.  We can all make improvements in our life.  And most of these improvements are hard to make.  Why do you think that is? 

I think it’s out of habit.  We are accustomed to doing something one way and thinking of changing things may seem scary or even crazy.  Right now I am struggling with change.  There is only one thing I want to change at the moment and that’s physical. 

This may sound silly or down right insane, but I hate going to pick up Kelsie from school.  The reason is I have to get out of the car and walk to the gate and stand with all the other mothers out there.  This shouldn’t be a big deal right?  Well, wrong.  For one I am so very shy and so very self conscious. I stand there waiting wondering what the other mothers are thinking.  I know that I am not by any means obese or extremely overweight, but I’m not happy with my size. I wonder if they are thinking about the way I look or the way I’m dressed.  First off I know what your going to say, I shouldn’t be worried about what others think.  BUT, when I worry about it myself then of course I wonder what others are thinking. 

I was watching a show on the National Geographic channel last night about weight around the world.  There is a country that force feeds their daughters because being overweight and obese is a sign of high status.  The bigger you are the more likely you are to be able to bear children and breast feed them etc.  It comes from the poverty as well, because the bigger you are the more food you are consuming which means you have the money to buy it.  They touched on other parts of the world and the US particularly with our status.  We see skinny and this is a symbol of status.  The skinnier you are the more money you have because you have the money to hire personal trainers and chefs to cater to a certain diet your following.  Which has our whole way of life screwed up which makes people like myself worry about their self image.

Of course it doesn’t take money to hire a personal trainer.  You can be one yourself.  It doesn’t take money to go for a walk or run.  It doesn’t take money to do crunches, etc.  However it does take money to buy healthy foods.  More money than chips, cookies and white bread.  I don’t know if you have noticed but whole wheat, whole grain anything cost more than it did before.  It’s just silly how the FDA talks about Americans being overweight and they want to change the guidelines for restaurants etc, but they don’t want to cut the cost of healthy food. 

Ok, I’m getting off topic, rambling away.  My point is I want to make a change.  I do the same thing day after day.  I don’t workout, I don’t go for walks, I am self conscious.  We live 1/2 mile from the kids school, walking there and back picking up Kayla in the afternoon would give me a mile, but I don’t want to because I don’t want people looking at me. 

I would love to go for a walk and begin to jog around the neighborhood but then again I don’t want people looking at me. 

Am I the only one that feels this way?  Am I the only one struggling with change because of feeling self conscious?

(what’s for dinner thursday will be a friday edition this week, i just wanted to write a little bit of real life)