Thursday, November 12, 2009

An Interruption….

I know that today is supposed to be about What’s For Dinner Thursday!  But I have something on my mind and need to just post.  So if you are here for dinner, come back next week or check out some older dinner posts.

I didn’t realize I was depressed until my sister n law called me yesterday and ask me what was wrong because I sounded down.  I told her what I thought was wrong, the kids were out of school for two days straight due to the Tropical Storm and then Veterans Day, and besides the fact they were driving me crazy, I am suffering from lack of sleep.

I am the type of person that requires 8+ hours of sleep a night.  It’s not hard to do, just go to bed at a decent time.  Well since the kids were going to be out, I decided to stay up late Monday night and Tuesday night.  Well big no no.  Because now I am just yucky.

When I am having a bad day, I don’t know about you but nothing good happens.  It also seems to be the day that everything that could happen, happens! I will not win the lottery when I am having a bad day.

Now on top of my being depressed, Thanksgiving is getting nearer and nearer.  Not that I am not happy about turkey, dressing, and the fixings.  It’s not that.  It’s that my mother isn’t here to celebrate with us.  She wasn’t here last year either but it was so soon after her passing, it didn’t have time to process.

I have a feeling that with the upcoming of her birthday I am trying to just rush past this month as fast as I can.

We are planning on going to my brothers house this year and spending time with my family.  While we are there I plan on going to the cemetery on the 25th because that would have been mothers 68th birthday.  I am in the process of making a floral arrangement to go on the head stone of my grandparents grave.  She is right below them.  It will be the first time there since her funeral and it’s going to be hard, I know. 

Plus there is other things on my mind too.  With the crap {couldn’t think of another word to use there} that went on with my daddy he is no longer in our lives.  We haven’t spoken to him since the end of June and it doesn’t look like we will ever hear from him again.  He did send Kelsie a gift card for her birthday which was nice.  But that is the only lines of communicating that have been done.  It’s not only hard on myself {even though I don’t tend to show it} it’s hard on my girls.  Kelsie is asking at least every couple of weeks about going to granddaddy’s.  She knows that we are going to Uncle Mike and Aunt Kay’s house for Thanksgiving and she also knows they don’t live far from each other.  She wants to know why we aren’t going to see him.  You just can’t explain something to a four year old.  Kayla on the other hand knows and understands things a lot better.  She is still upset that her Granny is no longer here and that things won’t ever be the same. 

Ok…back to normal posting.


Kelli said...
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Kelli said...

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I will say that you will be in my prayers during this time. I do believe that it's important to recognize your feelings, especially depression. Your dad sure is missing out on a great person.

Thena said...

We all have to vent once in a while. It's sad that your Dad doesn't realize that it's his grandkids suffering. My Dad was always there for us, but my kids Dad(my-ex) that's a whole different story. It's gotten so bad my oldest one refers to him at times as sperm donor instead of Dad. Praying for your family. I have a prayer request list on my blog if you ever want to be added.

Amanda said...

This can be a tough time girl. It all takes time to process too. You will be strong..and you know Granny would want the holidays to be the absolute best :)

I am excited about seeing yaaaaa'll! Hurry up and get here!

Heatherlyn said...

Sorry it is such a hard time for you. Lack of sleep makes everything worse. I'm sorry about the loss of your parents. That must be terribly disappointing. I hope that you are able to get some sleep and have a lovely Thanksgiving with your husband and kids and inlaws!

Laura said...

Hi Joanna-

One of the things that helps me when I am feeling blue-is to remember that things are not happening today.
Thanksgiving isn't today, facing Thanksgiving without my mother is not happening today- and interestingly enough, sometimes the root of it all is physical- like not getting enough sleep.

This too shall pass.


Andrea-Memories As A Mom said...

I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of that :( I know how you feel as far as when you have lack of sleep or are depressed, it seems like the day just won't go right. I really hope your Thanksgiving day is good.

Becca said...

Aww it sounds like you are going through a lot. I think sometimes we can get depressed just from being'll pull through! :)