Monday, July 13, 2009

God, Can You Hear Me?

*I typed this on my way to Bama Friday afternoon*
Do you ever feel like your shouting as loud as you can to God for an answer, help or advice, you have fallen to your knees and prayed but you aren’t getting an answer?
This is the way I feel right now.  I feel lost.  I like to think that I am a Christian.  I was brought up in a Baptist Church and I was Saved when I was 8. 
But right now I have to be honest and admit that I have fallen behind in my Christian ways.
I am cussing more then I ever have, although you wouldn’t know it by reading my blog and I’m honestly really careful on Facebook because I have blog friends and family on there. 
Am I ashamed?  Of course I am!  What Christian wouldn’t be ashamed for acting this way?   I am drinking alcohol on almost a regular basis.  And it’s not just a glass of wine either.   I am not praying the way that I should.  Although I have never felt that there is a right or wrong way to pray, it’s just been self fish. (if that makes any sense to y’all)
I get this way every once in a while, usually it’s caused from some sort of crisis or issue going on around me.  These “things” of course are the Devil and I know it.  He likes getting to me and knows the right ways to pull and tug to get me this way.  Because displeasure and unhappiness put satisfaction on his face.
Why do I let this happen?  Well, I don’t know.  I don’t try to be in these moods.  As a matter of fact it’s quiet depressing and I feel like I am at the bottom of the barrel and worthless.  This is again the Devil.
But there is hope and light at the end of my tunnel and it is that I am a Christian.  Days or weeks into these moods I feel God pulling me back towards him.  I am at this point right now. 
The only problem is that I am reaching out but I feel as though I am not getting an answer and that things will only get worse. (the worse part could be true, I pray however that this is not the case).  This again, the Devil.  He’s a pesky creature of evil!
So I am reaching out to God right now as I type this (on my trip to Bama, I just felt compelled to blog this) to please give me the answers that I am seeking…to please wrap me with your Heavenly presence and pull me from this funk that I am in.  Lord, I know you are listening, I am coming to you as your daughter needing you to lift my spirits and pull me up from this sadness and confusion that I am in. 
In Jesus Name, Amen.

13 comments:

Tiffany said...

you're not in the boat alone! Just know that!

Kelli said...

I've been there girly. Obedience is the key...and just like you did you also need to repent. He wants you close to Him and will make it happen. Satan is tricky and can use almost anything to take you away from God. Get in the Word, pray for healing and obedience. Things will turn around. We aren't perfect but we are God's children and that's the greatest thing to be...flaws and all. You'll be in my prayers.

the undomesticated wife said...

Lady, I am feeling very much like you are right now. I was laid off from my job in Nov and have felt like I'm floundering, not knowing what I should do, which direction I should go, etc. I pray and feel like I'm not getting an answer. Someone once told me that in situations like this, where you aren't getting a "clear answer" to pray for peace in your situation. And that made total sense to me. I hope it does you, too. Hopefully things will be looking up! That devil is very ambitious and never gets tired.

Elise said...

Been there, unfortunately. Not so much the drinking{my Dad is an alcoholic and drug addict, so I won't go there}, but the feeling of despair and potty mouth. It will get better. Maybe read Psalms. David, a man after God's heart, has been there too. I'll pray for you friend. And, if I may be so bold, I might suggest skipping the alcohol, cause it will bring about nothing positive or good. Oh, one time when I spoke with my former youth pastor, he asked me how my walk was and I shared with him I wasn't as close to God as I have been before, he gently reminded me that God didn't move. He is always here for us. Another side note, I know when I am low on sleep, my problems{and children} seem amplified.
Hope you have a safe trip.
Elise

♥ Kenlie ♥ said...

The nice thing is that God takes us as we are, and He forgives us when we ask.

Susie from Bienvenue said...

Girlfriend! Stop right there and let me just tell ya. I have felt those same feelings you are feeling. Everyone does Im sure at one point in their walk. Being a child of God is not an easy road we chose. Dont let that devil get the best of you my sweet friend. You ARE loved by OUR FATHER..even when you dont feel at your best. I think sometimes thats when He is watching even closer. {{hugs}} to you and know that we are all walking this same walk together. Im here for ya if you ever need a friend. Cuss Cuss and Fuss Fuss we still love ya!

Nancy said...

Joanna,

God hears you!!! Don't EVER get to a point where YOU don't HEAR God!!! You are right...it is the devil!!! Don't give him any room in your life because he always requires more and more!!!! Resist the devil and he will flee...in Jesus Name! Love ya! Nancy

PS...I haven't forgot about adding you to me blog roll!!!

Beth in NC said...

Hi there! You don't know me -- just found you today, but I know how you feel. I've been there.

I have a promise for you. Jesus said in Matthew 7:7-8, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." He is faithful to do this. When you seek Him, YOU WILL FIND HIM. He is faithful.

We all fail, but who can separate us from the love of God? He LOVES YOU. Romans 8:38-39 states, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

You are doing the right thing by seeking Him. There is no condemnation in Christ (Rom 8:1), but conviction is great. I am grateful for the Holy Spirit's wooing.

I was raised Baptist too. Come over and visit my blog. My testimony is at the top.

I pray you'll feel God's love covering you and wooing you. He is going to answer the cries of your heart.

Many blessings!
Beth

The imPerfect Houswife said...

I think sometimes when we try so so hard for something to change, we get even more frustrated. Just say, "Thy will be done" and go with the flow, or the "will" as it were. You'll come out the other side, I promise. I heard a priest cuss one time and I just cracked up! I kind of feel like those are made up words anyway - just don't direct them at anyone. Sometimes we just want our kids to clean their s*&% up! ha ha It's hard being human. We're here for you - just be there for all of us when it's our turn! :)

Nikki said...

Romans 8 : 1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Heatherlyn said...

I know that God always hears us. Some times it gets worse before it gets better. BUT when we have faith in God and humble ourselves and still counsel with Him then even our trials make us deeper, stronger, more compassionate people with greater understanding in the long run. I know that sometimes God waits until we are really ready and prepared to listen, or maybe that is just when we actually hear what He has been telling us all along. :)

Heatherlyn said...

Oh, and I'll tell you this much. We would never have the opportunity to prove to God that we are really Christians if we only had people in our lives who treated us kindly and fairly. Those people are easy to treat in a Christian way. You really learn what it means to be a Christian when you have to be kind to people who spitefully use you and who are very unfair and unkind. THAT is hard.

Courtney Kirkland said...

Just found your blog today and found myself browsing when I came across this post. I've been there...in fact, I'm there now. It's a hard thing. But like the others have said, hold onto God and eventually things will turn around. I feel sometimes like I pray and pray and pray and never even feel like God hears me. Hold on girlie. I'm praying for you :)