Wednesday, June 8, 2011

What’s Been Going on Lately

I have wanted to write this post, but every time I would start, I would stop.  I even got as far as a paragraph or two, decided that it wasn’t worth it and delete it.  But I finally feel I am ready.

I think last week sometime I posted that I was going to the doctor.  I have been depressed for some time and finally decided that it was time to go and do something about it.  Apparently it was pretty visible because my best friend told me that she knew I needed something for a few weeks.  I just didn’t see it.  Sometimes it’s hard to see depression is really a problem.  Especially when you get depressed from time to time and can pull yourself out of it.  This time I am stuck and can’t come out of it on my own.  Depression is nothing new to me.  My mother was on anti depressants and I took them for a short time while in high school because of boyfriend problems, then again after Kelsie was born because I had post partum depression.  I get depressed from time to time but I can always come out of it.  It’s just a few weeks of not wanting to do anything but hang out in the house, not really around anybody, not really into anything, etc.  I pull through it without any outside help.  It’s just part of who I am and I’m used to it.

This time has been different.  I’m actually surprised that I took this long to admit I needed help.  But I think it was more of my wanting to be in control of myself, being stubborn and admitting I needed help.  I think Memorial Day weekend was my break through point.  I’m not going to share the details of what happened but let’s just say that I finally saw that I couldn’t do it on my own.  I made my appt and went.

Luckily my doctor is my Aunt, who knows family history and what’s been going on in my life.  She was able to see that I did need something.  She put me on Celexa.  I’ve been on it for a little over a week now and all because it’s in my head, I feel a little better.  I’m no where near where I should be of course, I’m only beginning my journey but it’s a start.  I go back in a couple of weeks to see if we need to make any changes.  Right now I am having side effects but nothing major.  Just some insomnia, clenching my jaw, lack of appetite.  Although I will admit last night I slept really good.  This was because I went back yesterday and she told me to take the med during the day instead of at night.  So the insomnia may be fixed.  When I feel myself clenching my jaw, I stop myself.  And since I have low blood sugar {found that out yesterday with blood work} I am making myself eat every couple of hours.  So I am eating.  Although I have lost several pounds since last week, but this is a welcome side effect. :)  I am one pound less than what I was when we went to Disney back in March. 

Anyways.  I just wanted to post about why I haven’t been blogging and really visiting other blogs lately.  I am trying to get back to normal but it’s a step at a time.  


A-K said...

I'm glad you were able to notice that you need help. There is nothing wrong with that- and sometimes it does take outside help, because we are not super humans unfortunately. Glad to know that you are on the road to feeling better and hopefully after a few weeks you will get your good vibes back! Also glad you are blogging again :) I'm lost without your daily posts LOL! Love you and hope you start feeling better soon! {hugs} I'm always here to talk if you need anything!

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I'm glad you are getting help and on your way to feeling better! I get liket aht sometimes too and I actually took some meds after my second son was born because I just couldn't shake the blues. I hope you continue to feel better:)

Cherrie said...

There is no shame in taking medication that your body needs. I hope each and every day is a better one for you.

The Starr Family said...

We have such an awesome God... He desires for us to be free! It takes courage and faith my friend to pull yourself out of the mire, acknowledge what you are not capable of, turn it over to Him, and move toward being free. You did just that! You are showing your children that you love them by choosing to better yourself and you are opening yourself up to blessings from above.

Way to go mama... one day at a time :)

Georgia Girl said...

Take it one day at a time girl...I also have to tak something because if I don't I get edgy and says my seratona levels are missing some but I am ok about it....i do feel better when I take them. Ha my family likes me better also cause I am more take care and I am around when u come back.

Kay said...

Keep feeling better!!!

Miller Racing Family said...

Bless your heart. Glad to hear your headed in the right direction.